Raising children is one of the most challenging tasks one can undertake, and parents, being humans, can make mistakes. However, there’s a stark difference between occasional slip-ups and a pattern of toxic behaviour that can leave long-lasting scars. If you wonder whether you were raised by toxic parents, here are some signs that might confirm your suspicions:

1. Overwhelming Fear of Failure: If you were raised by toxic parents, you may find that you have an intense and crippling fear of failure. This often stems from a childhood where mistakes were met not with understanding or guidance but with ridicule, punishment, or excessive criticism.
2. Chronic Self-Doubt: A toxic upbringing can instil a deep sense of self-doubt. Children who are constantly belittled or told they are inadequate may grow up feeling like they are never good enough, no matter their achievements.
3. People-Pleasing Behaviours: An excessive need to please others and a fear of setting boundaries can be the result of toxic parenting. If you were taught that your value is contingent on the approval of others, you might find it hard to say ‘no’ or prioritise your own needs.
4. Difficulty Trusting Others: Toxic parents may betray trust in various ways, leading to adult children who struggle to form secure and trusting relationships. This mistrust can manifest in expecting the worst from others or difficulty opening up.
5. Extreme Independence or Dependence: Those raised by toxic parents might swing to extremes when it comes to independence or dependence. They may feel that they must do everything alone, as a form of control, or they may find themselves overly dependent on others for validation.
6. Poor Emotional Regulation: Growing up in a volatile environment can lead to difficulties managing emotions. If emotional expression was punished or ignored, you might find yourself either excessively controlling your emotions or feeling overwhelmed by them.
7. Toxic Relationships: A pattern of toxic relationships in adulthood can be a telltale sign of a toxic upbringing. If you were not taught healthy relationship dynamics, you may unconsciously replicate the patterns you observed in your family.
8. Lack of Self-Identity: A toxic upbringing can leave you with a weak sense of self. You may find it challenging to know who you are, what you want, or what you believe in because your parents’ opinions or needs may have overshadowed your own.
9. Hypercritical Nature Towards Self and Others: If you were constantly criticised, you might internalize that voice and become overly critical of yourself and the people around you.
10. Resentment and Unresolved Anger: Long-standing resentment towards your parents, or an undercurrent of anger in your life, can also be indicative of a toxic upbringing.

Healing from a toxic upbringing is a journey of recognising these patterns and working through them. It often involves setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and building a support system of healthy relationships. Remember, identifying these signs is a step towards recovery and should not be used to blame oneself for the challenges one faces. It’s about understanding the past to build a healthier, happier future.